It Takes a Village

We’ve all heard the old saying “it takes a village”. Usually that is associated with raising children, but I have found that it fits many other aspects of life as well. I do have four kids, and they do take a lot of time and energy. So, it is nice to have the help and support with babysitting, sports, etc. But now that I am also sick, it takes a village to get through that. I went into this with the idea that I was going to be on my own. I spent a lot of time growing up figuring things out on my own.

I had three sisters making a total of four kids. Sometimes, some kids have to grow up a little quicker. That’s just how it was. I always made sure my stuff was covered. Going into adulthood, I had the same mindset. I also prided myself on not depending on anyone. I was so proud of myself to be able to live life on my own without. It became so normal to me that I didn’t ask for help. I didn’t reach out for support or anything. I had it covered. Having kids, I didn’t really have people babysit much. I didn’t reach out for a break. That doesn’t mean my kids didn’t drive me crazy and I didn’t wish I could sell them to the zoo.

I had my own business and that was everything for me. I worked my ass off and opened my coffee shop/bakery in two months. I was thankful that my family did pitch in and help get it all cleaned and ready to open, but the business part of it was all me. I put in 60+ hours a week. I also burnt myself out making sure I was the best business owner, mother, and wife I could be. If I had any advice for anyone it would be to find the support. I am glad that I was able to experience having my own business and know that it will happen again one day. Some things are more important first.

Coming down sick was a huge shock to everyone. I was always healthy. I ate right, exercised, didn’t drink or smoke or do drugs. I considered myself a very boring person. Once I got the diagnosis that I had cancer, I knew everything was going to change. My family all came together to be there for me. To get me to the hospital, through four surgeries, treatments, doctor’s appointments, etc. It was so weird for me to go from not needing anyone to needing help with everything. I couldn’t even take care of my toddler without help because I couldn’t pick him up or chase him around. But one thing that was told to me time and time again by nurses and doctors was that I would need extra support. You cannot go through cancer without at least one person in your corner. There are days when it gets really tough, and you need that extra reminder that you have this. That cancer isn’t going to win. I have needed that from time to time. I’m so lucky and blessed to have family and my best friend who makes sure I smile every day and know that I’m not alone in this. The biggest thing I’ve learned from going through cancer is that leaning on others does not make you weak. I am still fiercely independent, but I know when I need the extra help, and I gladly take it.

I still need help as I’m writing this. I have two more cycles to go which means 10 more days of treatment. Meaning my kids will need to be babysat. I also can’t do everything for them right when I’m home. While I feel good much of the time, I do have nerve damage to my left side from my heart surgeries so some days I’m in pain. I also am on a lot of medication to counteract the chemo, so I am not supposed to drive, meaning I need a ride to appointments and need help getting my kids to and from school. I also have days where I am exhausted, so I rest a lot and take naps. There is also no guarantee that each cycle will go smoothly. So, in those cases I would need the extra hand at home.

I don’t agree with the whole “stuff happens for a reason”, but maybe this was to help me slow down and grow closer to who I have in my circle. It’s so easy to get caught up in life and get busy and forget who is important. I am glad that I have the opportunity to grow closer to my family and have them surrounding me. I do have immense guilt because of how much I depend on others. They would never tell me it was too much for them or even that they didn’t want to do it. I do feel that I owe them so much for going through months of helping me. This all started in December, and I’m not quite done yet. They take it in stride and see it as a temporary speed bump. One that we will get over and be able to move forward from. I look forward to being able to spend time with my family because I want to, not because I need the help. On the bright side, my kids have had a blast being around everyone and seeing them happy makes it all worth it.